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MPs Debate the cause of the riots

August 12, 2011

MPs: We found a the cause of the riots, ban it, ban it, ban it.

MP#1: We have found Twitter is the cause of the riots can we ban it?

PM: How do you know Twitter is the cause of the riots?

MPs: It looks like one

PM: Bring the Twitter forward.

Twitter: I’m not the cause of the riots. I’m not the cause of the riots. I’m a communications medium.

PM: But you look like the cause of the riots.

Twitter: They did that to me by filtering out all the other communications

PM: did you filter all the other things out?

MPs: We did do the filtering. A bit.

PM: What makes you think it is the cause of the riots?

MPs: It’s new and modern.

PM: Modern?

MPs: Well 21st century.

MPs: Ban It.

PM: Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether it is the cause of the riots

MPs: There are?

MP#4: Are they rational?

PM: Tell me. What do we do with the causes of the riots?

MP#1: Ban them

MPs: Ban, Ban, Ban

PM: and what do we ban apart from the causes of the riots?

MP#1: more causes of riots

MP#2: ssh

MP#3: Things we don’t understand.

PM: Very good. So what else don’t we understand

MP#1: Science

MP#2: Evidence based policy making

MP#3: The causes of the riots

MP#5: How to honestly fill in expenses

MP#4: Anything invented after 1950

PM: Correct. So what else was invented after 1950?

MP#3: The telephone

MP#2: Concorde

MP#: The internet.

Tom Watson: Social Media

MPs: oooh

PM: Exactly, So logically…

Louise Mensch: .. if …. Twitter … is a social media it must be the cause of the riots.

MPs: Ban it.

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From → Politics

4 Comments
  1. Steve Uhlir permalink

    This reminds me of Douglas Adams’ comments about the three types of inventions:
    — those that occur before you are born and are as natural as breathing
    — those that occur before you are (about) 25 and are new and interesting and worth learning
    — those that occur after you are (about) 25 all of which are contrary to the laws of nature and ought to be banned!

  2. Dave Walker permalink

    Now I know this is satire (and pretty good satire), but I haven’t heard anything yet about anyone wanting to ban ssh as a suspected cause of the riots (see MP#2 above). Have I missed something?

  3. chrisgerhard permalink

    Ban ssh? Makes perfect sense. They would not understand that either and it was invented after 1950!

  4. The banning of ssh will be as a result of the Digital Economy Act II which will be pushed through when some of the alleged pirates adopt it to stop the BPI discovering what they’re doing.

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